Is it Ever Ridiculous to Say "Pray for Me"?

Yesterday wasn't a day exactly like any other.  It was my 6-month checkup and cleaning at the dentist.  Knowing that this was coming up, I had been stressed and anxious for the week prior.  To many people, that would seem silly; but for me, it is normal life.  As a child I had a bad incident with a dentist, and from there it just seemed I had several less-than-positive events with different dental professionals.  So it would almost be expected that by the time I was a teenager, going to get anything done with my teeth brought on major stress.  Now I'm in my late-40's, and it seems almost silly that I should get anxious at all over a simple cleaning trip to the dentist.  After all, I've given birth to babies, had numerous surgeries, traveled alone overseas, survived divorce, watched my kids grow up and leave the nest {I know, that shouldn't be so traumatic, but believe me - that can be pretty tough on a mama!}... so a little visit to the dentist should be a piece of cake!  SHOULD be... but it just isn't, not quite yet.  No doubt, it probably doesn't help that I'm in a new town with a fairly new dentist (new to me, definitely not new to the field of dentistry... I'm NOT that brave!) AND I did have the BEST dentist ever before moving.  In fact, before we moved, it was among the other important factors we had to consider in making the decision to move. You know, the important things you think about: who's going to do my hair and nails?  Who will be my dentist?  Those things were almost deal-breakers with the whole idea of moving to the beach!  But seriously, the ocean was calling me... and it made me feel brave at the time.  

Well, I didn't feel so brave yesterday morning when I woke up.  I had gone to sleep the night before with it on my mind, and it was the first thought on my mind when I woke up:  "TODAY I have to go to the dentist."  I was full of nothing but dread and angst.  So the best way to handle that was to ask some people close to me to please pray!  YES - I did ask for prayer over going to the dentist.  Not for some major dental work or life-threatening surgery, but for a simple checkup and cleaning.  And I don't feel silly... not one bit! 

There are so many things going on in the world around us...chaos all over the world.  It's scary to even turn on the news, and I avoid it as much as possible, choosing to read the news where I can control when and how much I take in from all the bad in this world.  And those huge things seem like they should be what we are praying about - and I am praying.  A lot of people are continually praying about those issues.  But that doesn't take away the smaller things in our lives.  The things that we sometimes start to feel almost embarrassed bringing up because surely in the scheme of things they are insignificant... things like anxiety over going to the dentist.  God is a big God... and He loves me. He cares when something makes me feel afraid or nervous... and He wants me to share everything with Him.  It's a relationship that we have going on.  He doesn't want me just speaking to Him in the big things... He also wants me to share the small things.  

 "Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows."

~Luke 12:7

This world is sometimes a frightening place.  And it's expected and more easily accepted that the big things will cause us to feel afraid, just as we have going on all around us right now in the world.  But don't allow the enemy to convince you that those smaller things in your own personal life aren't just as important to God.  To Him, none of it is small when it affects His child.  

NOTE: By the way, I got through the dentist appointment.  And it went smoothly.  Was there a great move from God to keep me from some great dental disaster?  I doubt it... that wasn't the point of my fear.  But I felt calm, and my mind could be on the things it needed to be rather than full of fear or worry.   

Seeing the World through The Golden Griddle

Saturday mornings are my favorite.  Almost every Saturday, my husband and I get up and head to our favorite breakfast place here at the beach.  In this last year since moving to the beach we have settled into that regular routine.  But more than that, we have developed friendships in some of the places that we frequent.  Our breakfast spot is definitely one of those places we frequent - a LOT!   
 

Family breakfast with everyone was in town!

Of course, this being the beach {and this being Summer}, there are long lines; there are lots of people.  And Saturday is always busy because it's "Check-Out" day at most of the hotels, motels and condos... so people are packed up, checked out and grabbing breakfast one last time before they travel home.  As we sit in our booth drinking coffee and chatting with one of our many favorite waitresses, I also find that I'm always observing the other people.  Watching the interaction between families and friends, between parents and their small children, and very often between a couple sitting alone.  In my active imagination I consider all of the scenarios that may be going on in their lives.  I watch the large family groups, and often watch the friendly banter over who gets the check; I witness lots of snuggles between grandmas and their grandkids; and I empathize with the parents who have small children and look exhausted - and if they are with family, they just look happy to have someone helping with the kids while they drink their coffee in a small moment of peace; I see the lone couple, and wonder if they have kids, if they are enjoying a weekend away, or if maybe their kids have grown and moved on. Observing people is one of my favorite things.  It's not the same as "people watching" at the mall, but rather it's drinking in life.  Seeing how different people and families really are... yet in so many ways, how similar.  

Mimi & Bailey at breakfast

Then there are those who work at the restaurant.  This particular place is our favorite.  It's a family restaurant, and the people who work there seem to have been there for many years.  If they weren't family by blood or marriage, they have become family through the many years they've spent together.  And in the last year, we have been adopted into their lives. Now we are on first-name basis, and I scoot over in the booth to allow someone to sit and chat for a little while when they have a break for a moment.

Most often we get different waitresses each time we visit, and just when I think one is my favorite, another one will take the lead spot.  {I guess I have room for many favorites in my heart.}  But there are a few who have nestled in a little closer.  I learn a lot in the interaction with them... and my life is better from getting to know them.  This morning it was one of the waitresses who wasn't waiting on us that hit my heart in a special way.  

She's a sweet girl, and has waited on us many times.  Occasionally I will see her when I'm out running errands or getting my nails done.  She's always just a sweetheart.  I have enjoyed getting to know her over the last year, hearing about her young children and seeing how much she loves them.  She's a hard worker, and very humble... just listening to her talk about her life, it's obvious that she will do whatever is necessary to take care of her family.  She never complains... never once. The past week or so I have felt she looks as if the weight of the world is on her, so this morning I asked her how things were going for her, and mentioned that she looked tired.  She seemed surprised that I would notice that, and responded, "Why, Yes, I am really very tired!"  She went on to explain that her kids had been gone for the past two weeks {split families are such a tough thing!} - and her way to deal with how much she missed them was to work as many extra shifts as possible.  It was an opportunity to put away a little extra money while the kids are gone so that she can spend as much time as possible with them when they are home.  As she was explaining this, it was clear that she was choking back the tears from missing her children.  And I will be so happy for her when they are back, safely in her arms.
 

He's come to love our breakfasts out! {seriously, this hasn't always been his favorite thing at all!}

As we left the restaurant, said Goodbyes, see-you-laters, and exchanged a few hugs, we then made our way through the many people waiting outside for their name to be called.  We walked to our golfcart to head home, and as we were driving down Main Street, I found myself thinking about how great this life is... what a gift it is to really SEE the people who are in our world, and about how much more there is to still learn about life and about people.  
 
God gives us so many opportunities to feed into the life of someone else.  Even if it just seems like a kind word, a smile, a sincere "how are you?" that also includes a pause to let them answer... it's important. It's a tough world, and it appears that it's only going to get tougher.  But what an honor it is to live this life and grab the opportunities to invest in those around us.  Never waste that chance, and never take that for granted.  

Another Tuesday...

My favorite mornings are the ones where I wake up feeling wonderful and there's a song already playing in my heart.  Usually a worship song that immediately reminds me of my Father's love for me, and that I am not opening my eyes to face the day alone.  I wish every day could be one of these days.  But...sadly they are not.  The past few weeks have been more of a struggle.  I've tried to figure it out... put my finger on just what is different... but I can't.  I do know that I had some dental work done, and that is always hard for me.  I always suffer at least twice as much as anyone else, which makes me feel like a dental-failure somehow.  But it seems like even more than that.  Could it be that I'm sad and worried that after OVER a year on the market, our NC house still hasn't sold?  And I worry about how long this will {or could} go on?  Or maybe it's simply that Mother's Day was on the horizon and I knew I wouldn't be with my Mom or my children on that day... and that the thoughts and memories of my Grandmother would flood my heart and cause me to miss her all over again?  Whatever it is, it has surely been a struggle.  

I'm not a stranger to struggles in life.  In fact, there have been times that I felt like much more of a stranger to anything ever going right!  I've come to accept that I'm one of those people who can read the very last, small print warning on anything {you know, the thing they had to tack on at the end because it affected one person out of 23,897,428 other people, so by law they have to list it?!} and I know that I'll be the 2nd person to suffer with that side effect. And while I'm basically an optimistic and persistent person, I also have had to suffer through bouts of sadness, anxiety and depression throughout my life.  This isn't something to be ashamed of or afraid of, it really just comes with living in this world.  Afterall, this can be quite a scary place filled with some often not-so-kind people!  Let's face it, if we're being transparent here: Life is often VERY hard!  I hope that was not a surprise to anyone!

But it's not about how many of those mornings I awake wondering where the music is, wishing for the feelings of excitement for the day, hoping that THIS is the day that the phone rings with the best news ever!  It's really much more about how I deal with all of the days God gives me.  On those awesome days, I get up and sing... I drink coffee {ok, that's pretty much a given with any of the days!!} and I bounce out of my house to the fitness center.  I am so thankful for those days, because they energize me and inspire me.  On the not-quite-so-grand days... well, that's when I have to get up and turn on the music myself.  I have to make the decision to sing; make the choice that I'm going to make it the best day possible.  I drink my coffee, catch up on the news, check email, and then MAKE myself head to the fitness center and through each step of Yoga or Pilates... trusting that this is actually going to make my day improve.  And usually it does bring it up a notch or two!  

Recently I've had the privilege of speaking with a couple of younger women who are struggling with the less-than-awesome days in their own life.  It gives me the opportunity to share my story with them, the struggle along the journey - but also the victories along the way.  It may not be a final victory, because I believe I will not experience that until I reach my eternal home.  But while on this earth, I will do my best to enjoy to the utmost the awesome days... to savor each moment and draw energy from them.  And on the lesser days, I will reach into that energy supply and remind myself that it is just the moment to get through... and I do not have to do it alone.  I will drink my coffee... and then off to Yoga I will go.  Chances are, I'm not the only one in the room feeling this way...

Aren't you afraid of offending a friend?

This is the age of honesty.  Times where everyone has an opinion, and throws them around like ping pong balls - usually with no thoughts of the possibility of hitting someone else right between the eyes.  I am a very opinionated person.  Actually, I was born with many opinions, and have been screaming them at whomever would listen for about 48 years now! As I look back over the years, I can see where some of those opinions have changed along the way... whether it was from experience, education, maturity... whatever the reason, opinions are just not set in stone.  So it's a little trickier when it comes to discussing my beliefs with someone... because for me, that is no longer about my opinion.  It is about Truth.  Whether it is about sexual immorality {homosexuality, premarital sex, extramarital sex... whatever immorality it may fall under}, abortion, or stealing {yep, that can include cheating on taxes, not pointing out a mistake on a charge, or flat-out robbing a bank!} -- I firmly believe that Truth sets things in Black or White.  

The hot debate that no one can escape in the daily news is the issue of homosexuality, and even further the issue of same-sex marriage.  To me, there's nothing that gives me a right to have an opinion.  There is simply what I know to be true from the scriptures, and that is where I firmly plant my feet.  Yes, I do have people whom I love dearly who are homosexual, or who may not be homosexual but are in full support of everyone having the right to get married.  I've even lost "friends" {that's often a painfully loose term when used to describe some relationships on facebook or other forms of social networking, huh?!} over my beliefs.  But turn the coin over, and those same people would be flabbergasted if I "unfriended" them or attacked them over their own beliefs or opinions.  

Today I read an article about a Christian music group who has taken the stance in support of same-sex marriage(read more here), stating that they don't see where there's a problem or how it's wrong or hurting anyone.  It kind of broke my heart when I first read it.  And then it made me angry.  Not so much at them, but at the enemy of this world.  Right before our eyes we see these issues turning families against one another, breaking up lifelong friendships, causing strife in nations.  But even many who claim to be Christians can't see what is going on in front of their face.  Yes, we are called to love as Jesus Christ loves us.  We can certainly love others without standing in agreement to their beliefs when they go against ours.  I can never forget that we are also warned to not conform to the world.  (Romans 12:2, 1 John 2:15)  That's not about judging anyone else, it's about recognizing what God calls sin, and standing against it.  

Some things won't change.  My opinions on my favorite foods, or favorite nail polish, or even what kind of car I like to drive... those will certainly change as things evolve, as I continue to grow and expand my mind and likes/dislikes.  But Truth will always remain the same.  And for those friends of mine who believe differently, this is what I would like to say:  I don't sit in judgment of you or anyone.  I don't think I'm better or feel sorry for anyone who's not like me.  I'm simply a sinner saved by Grace.  I would never ever want to offend anyone who has different beliefs than me, whether that's a friend or a stranger.  If you stand so firmly on what you believe in, then it shouldn't really matter to you that I don't believe that same way... and if it does bother you, maybe that should be investigated.  I will continue to love my friends or family regardless of whether they agree with my beliefs, but I won't adjust my beliefs to fit someone elses lifestyle choices.  And for that I cannot apologize.    
 

Moving Past the Past...Sometimes It's SO Hard to Do

Are you one of those people who can go through something tough in life, come out on the other side and never look back?  If so, I am often envious of you!  I'm just the opposite.  I have some strange, uncontrollable need to analyze every moment of the event or situation...reliving with all of the "what ifs" in my mind.  Honestly, it's torture.  

There are a few people who touched my life in my past that I would just as soon never think of again.  I don't hate them - and as much as someone may not understand this, I've even forgiven them for what they did to wrong me {sometimes to wrong me VERY much!} Yet even so, I don't want them to have any role in my life whatsoever... and wish they didn't reside even in my memories.  I'm like an elephant, in that I never forget... well, that is unless I'm looking for my car keys, or sunglasses, favorite T-shirt or something like that.  But occurrences from the past - both good and bad, and some that really weren't even important at all - well, I can recall almost every single detail.  That's a good quality when it comes to remembering the birth of each of my children.  I can remember the time of the first contraction, the moment they each entered this world - and changed my world forever - and everything since!  In fact, we have a great time talking about the "remember back then" stories.  Then we come to the stories from the past that would be just great to rip out of the book... eliminate those memories from the past... like, seriously, a lobotomy might sound good after a dream that includes one of those memories in any kind of way. 

This week a person got married.  This is a person who brought torment into my life, into my marriage, into my family.  And while it does take two to tango, this person persisted and persisted until they got a foot in the door.  Satan is like that, I've learned.  He is so persistent and pesky.  He will just pester and pester until we finally say or think "ok... how bad can it really be?  I keep thinking of it, so it must really be where I'm supposed to go in my life."  Only to then look back and see a mighty path of destruction, and the many lies that were believed to get one on that path.  So... back to this person who got married.  They married someone who allowed their foot into their door.. and destruction has been left in many lives there as well.  And then there was a wedding. Weddings are supposed to be such blessed and happy events, but I know I'm not the only one looking on with disgust and sadness, full of wishes that I never even knew of this person.  Yet there is also a part of my heart that knows I am better and stronger because of what I went through due to this person.  Not the kind of thing that you'd send a Thank-You card for, by any means... but definitely something to celebrate.  A victory - a defeat over bad and evil in this life.  Even though there are battle scars, there is a flag flying to show that the battle was overcome.  And that is what should be celebrated, instead of feeling anything at all about the rest of it.  

It won't change that I'm still one of those people who doesn't forget the past.  And I'm convinced most often that we aren't supposed to completely forget the past -- we just aren't supposed to dwell in it or allow it to control us. But we should learn from it.  If it's good and brought positive things into our lives, we should celebrate it and see it as a marker in our lives that moved us in a healthy direction to become who we would ultimately BE.  And if it's bad or painful, then we should also learn... learn what to be aware of, what doors to never open or pass through, and how to forgive. Most of all, I think we should learn how to be there for others.  To offer warnings when that's possible, to share our experiences with the hurts and the triumphs... and to offer hope and support.

This weekend we celebrate Easter.  The time when Jesus went to the cross, was crucified for the sins of all, and then rose again on the Third Day to give us the One Way to eternal life.  I am so thankful He didn't get stuck in the what ifs and decide we just weren't worth it.  And for this moment, I will hold tightly to believing that he doesn't want me to get stuck on the hurts - but rather press on towards what is good, and right, and lovely, and eternal.     

Hello.... My Name is Donna Kay....

This morning after I went for a run I was doing my usual check-in on facebook before heading off to Yoga class.  It's like reading the morning paper to check and see what incredible things happened in my friends lives over the past 12-24 hours that I may have missed, and checking on local businesses to see if any special things had been posted that I needed to be aware of to make my day better.  I did get a notification about a comment on a friends post from the day before... so of course, in my curiosity I did click to check it out.  Nothing exciting in the post, but rather it was the person who had made the comment that interested me - someone who used to be on my "friends" list, but no longer resides there.  Just to get something straight: I have rejection issues, and therefore I have a hard time rejecting others.  To delete someone from my friends list takes a minimum of 6-months of counseling, and usually ends in recruiting someone else to come and push that actual "DELETE" button for me. {and truly, I'm not exaggerating much about that!} Ok... so back to why this bothered me.  

This particular person isn't someone I've ever personally met, and I'm always careful about those "friends" on social media, simply because I am so vocal and transparent about everything in my life.  In this case, there were lots of ties with mutual friends and family (my family - not theirs) that I had accepted their request way back when.  But I will never forget the day that they ended our brief friendship, because I received a less-than-loving message in my inbox.  

What I did receive was a message telling me what a self-righteous, discriminating and hateful person I was because I "hated" on someone different than me.  I was at first floored, confused that maybe they had sent it to the wrong person, and then once I realized what sad angle they were coming from I decided to let them go calmly into their never-never-land and not give a response back.  Sometimes it's smart to remember those words most Moms used to say to their kids {over, and over, and over again...} "If you don't have something nice to say, then just don't say anything at all..."  Well, at that moment I didn't have anything nice to say.  But now, well, NOW I have plenty to say to people like this!!  It might start something like this:

Hi... my name is Donna Kay.  I am a Christian.  I believe the Bible - every single word in it.  Some of the words I wish I could take out, because they do make my life hard... but I truly believe {with all my heart} that being a Christian is having a relationship with Jesus Christ.  And I believe when He said "if you love me, you will obey me."  Because that's what the Bible says.  I also believe that if I say I believe the Bible, that I have to believe it all.  I can't just pick and choose the parts I like or want to believe or follow.  It just doesn't work that way {actually, most other books or manuals don't work that way either -- but as humans we don't argue so much about those!} I have never said anything that would or could lead anyone to think I feel that I'm perfect... in fact, I've always stated very clearly just the opposite.  And as I continue to get older I learn year by year just how imperfect and broken I actually am - and just how very much I need a Savior, who happens to be Jesus Christ.  Furthermore, in believing the Bible I stand on Absolute Truth - that there are things that are just wrong {"sins", actually, to use a very unpopular and politically incorrect word!} and it's not about my opinion, or that of anyone else for that matter.  Whether that's sexual sin, murder or whatever... it's all encompassing. So whether it's about my life or the life of another person, sin is still sin.  It's not about opinions.  Yet, because I know I'm not perfect - that I'm still a work in progress - that I have dealt with much brokenness in my own life -- well, I am not here to personally judge anyone else.  If I believe against or for something, I will stand for my beliefs.  I will gladly give reasons, if ever asked, for my beliefs - and I will stake my life on those beliefs if they are biblical beliefs.  Does that mean I don't love or care for someone who doesn't share those beliefs or live by those same beliefs?  ABSOLUTELY NOT.  And someone would be hard pressed to show up and testify differently about me.  I have friends of every aspect, with many differing beliefs, living many different kinds of lives, and I love all of my friends.  Honestly, I probably have a softer heart for the friends who have struggles in a more understanding kind of way... simply because I've faced so many struggles in my own life and know how it feels to be judged or cast away.

Yet, someone decided that they felt I was a bad person because I stand on my beliefs.  That is where I would like to ask: How do YOU discriminate against ME because I don't agree with you?  Isn't that what you are accusing me of?  How do you call ME intolerant -- when you are showing clearly that you are intolerant of me because my beliefs are different from yours?  How can you call me hateful, when I have never shown any hate - even in expressing or standing firmly on my beliefs?

There was a time that being "unfriended" would truly have bothered me... I would take it personally, and I might even send a pitiful message back that probably would sound pretty desperate and sad asking why they didn't like me {ok, maybe not that pitiful, but you get the idea here.}  But as I said, year after year of living has brought changes to the way I see things.  And now I can see that all I can do is stand firmly on what I believe - what I believe with all my heart, and stake my life {and eternity} upon.  And in standing firmly, in loving those whom I come in contact with whether we agree or disagree in our beliefs, in sharing the love and grace that has been extended to me, I have come to understand that some will grasp that -- and some will not.  And I will just have to accept that everyone will not love me ...but I can continue to love them anyway. 

My Road to Becoming a Voice

Human Sex Trafficking. Just saying those three words kind of makes you shiver a bit, doesn't it?  I kind of remember the first time I heard those words years ago, and I thought "well, that just isn't very pleasant!" and moved on.  Except my heart held onto it... and something started to grow.  

William Wilberforce said, “You may choose to look the other way, but you can never say again that you did not know.” 

There is a lot of truth in that simple statement.  It applies to so much in our lives, even beyond sex trafficking.  But for the sake of this blog, we will apply it to this subject. That knowledge was a seed that planted some place deep in my heart, and then grew into a passion to stand up against such atrocities in this life: to become an Advocate.  There are some things that I can only hate in life, and maybe cannot actively do anything about them.  But this - Humam Sex Trafficking - this I can fight!  I am one of those women who has a hurt in her past, and I know how much that hurt has affected my life.  On a daily basis I am thankful that somehow I was spared from what victims of trafficking have to go through, but I also know how easy it is for a young person to end up trapped.  

What can we do?  We can SPEAK!  We can 

stand against the things that feed this 

horrible thing that we don't really want to talk about.   

Have you ever had a secret?  Something bad or hurtful in your life, and you just didn't think anyone would understand?  Actually you may have even felt people would judge you and think less of you?  Then have you ever had an opportunity that for some reason you just had to share that bad thing with someone -- you just couldn't keep it in any longer, and you weren't really sure why you were even sharing... but then you find that the person you are sharing with has been hurt in a similar way??  And they felt alone.  And you knew exactly how that felt, and you didn't want them to feel that any longer.  Simply by you sharing your story, you made them feel less alone.  THAT is where we can start.  We can share our stories with one another... and we can share them with our kids, friends and others placed in our lives.  We can show through sharing that they are not feeling and experiencing things that are just exclusive to them - but very often we have gone through a very similar thing when we were younger.  We can connect with them and let them know that we understand - and if we haven't gone through something, that we want to understand.  

They are not alone.  They do not have to feel rejected or worthless or misunderstood.  There is someone who will hear them and love them. 

Sadly, I kept many things secret in my life for a very long time.  I let shame and embarrassment and fear of what someone else might think control me, and that keep me in a place of hurt and worthlessness.  Then slowly, God started to put me in different situations where I needed to share my story with someone - I needed to share my hurt.  I had to let go of the worry about what someone else would think of me, and realize that helping someone else avoid hurt I had lived with was MUCH more important than what some other person might think about me.  And then it all made more sense.  We are to fight for each other... God wants us to love one another, to help one another, to be there for one another.  And that means we open up our hearts and stop worrying about what some silly or mean person might think if we show we're actually not in a perfect life.  If everyone opened up to that, imagine how much easier life would be.  But that's not what the enemy wants.  He wants us to be under his control, believing we are worthless - and therefore continue living in our hurt and despair.  

Life on this earth isn't going to get easier.  People are going to get meaner, crimes are going to get harsher and more dangerous.  Criminals are going to get smarter.  Those who want to control others will find more ways to do that - especially when they are making money from that control.  But we can't lose heart, because we are strong too - and we can fight against this.  And one place we can start is by loving each other enough to share our hurts, and let others who are hurting know they do not have to be alone.  

For me, my road to becoming a VOICE in the fight against human sex trafficking began with hurt in my own life.  For some it's the simple injustice again fellow humans that moves them to become a voice.  What will make YOU become a voice?  



**If you live in the Myrtle Beach, SC area - or will be visiting - on April 2nd, 2014 -- please join us for an Awareness Event.  Here is the information, and if you have any questions, please, please send me a message to dk@photobydk.com -- and I promise I will promptly reply.  Also, sharing this information with someone else would be such a gift - and could be the help they need. Thank you! 

www.susannorris.org