Broken Hearts....

There are times in life that things just get too tough... the fight to make things work with someone just gets too hard.  I have a relationship in my life that has faced so many struggles, yet I continue pressing on.  But today is one of those days that I want to quit... I want to give up... I want to walk away.  

The years have taught me patience, tolerance, kindness, and second chances.  I have learned that forgiveness is much easier to talk about than to actually accomplish... and trust is a lot more valuable than anyone understands before it's been lost.  But I continue on... striving to forgive where my heart has been broken, and trying so hard to learn to trust where all trust has been completely destroyed.  Today I want to quit... I want to give up... I want to walk away. 

Through the disappointments and hurts in my life I have become stronger.  I have come to understand that I am worthy of being loved, and am very much capable of loving.  I believe in promises, and I believe in forever after.  I know it's not easy in the daily walk, and that temptations will come along to create tough times... but I know that each person has a choice as to WHO he or she will be.  And I choose to look in the mirror each night... to face God in my quiet time... and know that I have chosen the right way. Today I want to quit... I want to give up... I want to walk away. 

Today I was told that I'm selfish... that I didn't forgive fast enough, and nothing has been good enough, and that hurts my heart even more.  That the promises that were made to me, that were broken, are that insignificant that I'm the selfish one for hurting.  18 months has passed, and my heart still aches.  I feel like a shattered glass, and as I try to put the pieces back together {that are my heart} I find that so many pieces are missing, or have been crushed to a place of not being recognizable or repairable.  And I know that it will take a long time.  But today I was told that wasn't fair... that I just didn't try hard enough.  And I want to quit... I want to give up... I want to walk away. 

One time I was asked what it would finally take for me to talk away... my answer was "when I know without a doubt that I have done absolutely everything I can to make things work, and see that they won't change."  Today I want to quit... I want to give up... I want to walk away.