There are times in life that things just get too
tough... the fight to make things work with someone just gets too hard.
I have a relationship in my life that has faced so many struggles, yet I continue
pressing on. But today is one of those days that I want to quit... I
want to give up... I want to walk away.
The
years have taught me patience, tolerance, kindness, and second
chances. I have learned that forgiveness is much easier to talk about
than to actually accomplish... and trust is a lot more valuable than anyone
understands before it's been lost. But I continue on... striving to
forgive where my heart has been broken, and trying so hard to learn to
trust where all trust has been completely destroyed. Today I want to
quit... I want to give up... I want to walk away.
Through
the disappointments and hurts in my life I have become stronger. I
have come to understand that I am worthy of being loved, and am very
much capable of loving. I believe in promises, and I believe in forever
after. I know it's not easy in the daily walk, and that temptations
will come along to create tough times... but I know that each person has a
choice as to WHO he or she will be. And I choose to look in the mirror each
night... to face God in my quiet time... and know that I have chosen the
right way. Today I want to quit... I want to give up... I want to walk
away.
Today I was told that I'm selfish... that I
didn't forgive fast enough, and nothing has been good enough, and that
hurts my heart even more. That the promises that were made to me, that
were broken, are that insignificant that I'm the selfish one for
hurting. 18 months has passed, and my heart still aches. I feel like a
shattered glass, and as I try to put the pieces back together {that are
my heart} I find that so many pieces are missing, or have been crushed
to a place of not being recognizable or repairable. And I know that it
will take a long time. But today I was told that wasn't fair... that I
just didn't try hard enough. And I want to quit... I want to give up...
I want to walk away.
One time I was asked what it would finally
take for me to talk away... my answer was "when I know without a doubt
that I have done absolutely everything I can to make things work, and
see that they won't change." Today I want to quit... I want to give
up... I want to walk away.
