This is the age of honesty. Times where everyone has an opinion, and throws them around like ping pong balls - usually with no thoughts of the possibility of hitting someone else right between the eyes. I am a very opinionated person. Actually, I was born with many opinions, and have been screaming them at whomever would listen for about 48 years now! As I look back over the years, I can see where some of those opinions have changed along the way... whether it was from experience, education, maturity... whatever the reason, opinions are just not set in stone. So it's a little trickier when it comes to discussing my beliefs with someone... because for me, that is no longer about my opinion. It is about Truth. Whether it is about sexual immorality {homosexuality, premarital sex, extramarital sex... whatever immorality it may fall under}, abortion, or stealing {yep, that can include cheating on taxes, not pointing out a mistake on a charge, or flat-out robbing a bank!} -- I firmly believe that Truth sets things in Black or White.
The hot debate that no one can escape in the daily news is the issue of homosexuality, and even further the issue of same-sex marriage. To me, there's nothing that gives me a right to have an opinion. There is simply what I know to be true from the scriptures, and that is where I firmly plant my feet. Yes, I do have people whom I love dearly who are homosexual, or who may not be homosexual but are in full support of everyone having the right to get married. I've even lost "friends" {that's often a painfully loose term when used to describe some relationships on facebook or other forms of social networking, huh?!} over my beliefs. But turn the coin over, and those same people would be flabbergasted if I "unfriended" them or attacked them over their own beliefs or opinions.
Today I read an article about a Christian music group who has taken the stance in support of same-sex marriage(read more here), stating that they don't see where there's a problem or how it's wrong or hurting anyone. It kind of broke my heart when I first read it. And then it made me angry. Not so much at them, but at the enemy of this world. Right before our eyes we see these issues turning families against one another, breaking up lifelong friendships, causing strife in nations. But even many who claim to be Christians can't see what is going on in front of their face. Yes, we are called to love as Jesus Christ loves us. We can certainly love others without standing in agreement to their beliefs when they go against ours. I can never forget that we are also warned to not conform to the world. (Romans 12:2, 1 John 2:15) That's not about judging anyone else, it's about recognizing what God calls sin, and standing against it.
Some things won't change. My opinions on my favorite foods, or favorite nail polish, or even what kind of car I like to drive... those will certainly change as things evolve, as I continue to grow and expand my mind and likes/dislikes. But Truth will always remain the same. And for those friends of mine who believe differently, this is what I would like to say: I don't sit in judgment of you or anyone. I don't think I'm better or feel sorry for anyone who's not like me. I'm simply a sinner saved by Grace. I would never ever want to offend anyone who has different beliefs than me, whether that's a friend or a stranger. If you stand so firmly on what you believe in, then it shouldn't really matter to you that I don't believe that same way... and if it does bother you, maybe that should be investigated. I will continue to love my friends or family regardless of whether they agree with my beliefs, but I won't adjust my beliefs to fit someone elses lifestyle choices. And for that I cannot apologize.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Moving Past the Past...Sometimes It's SO Hard to Do
Are you one of those people who can go through something tough in life, come out on the other side and never look back? If so, I am often envious of you! I'm just the opposite. I have some strange, uncontrollable need to analyze every moment of the event or situation...reliving with all of the "what ifs" in my mind. Honestly, it's torture.
There are a few people who touched my life in my past that I would just as soon never think of again. I don't hate them - and as much as someone may not understand this, I've even forgiven them for what they did to wrong me {sometimes to wrong me VERY much!} Yet even so, I don't want them to have any role in my life whatsoever... and wish they didn't reside even in my memories. I'm like an elephant, in that I never forget... well, that is unless I'm looking for my car keys, or sunglasses, favorite T-shirt or something like that. But occurrences from the past - both good and bad, and some that really weren't even important at all - well, I can recall almost every single detail. That's a good quality when it comes to remembering the birth of each of my children. I can remember the time of the first contraction, the moment they each entered this world - and changed my world forever - and everything since! In fact, we have a great time talking about the "remember back then" stories. Then we come to the stories from the past that would be just great to rip out of the book... eliminate those memories from the past... like, seriously, a lobotomy might sound good after a dream that includes one of those memories in any kind of way.
This week a person got married. This is a person who brought torment into my life, into my marriage, into my family. And while it does take two to tango, this person persisted and persisted until they got a foot in the door. Satan is like that, I've learned. He is so persistent and pesky. He will just pester and pester until we finally say or think "ok... how bad can it really be? I keep thinking of it, so it must really be where I'm supposed to go in my life." Only to then look back and see a mighty path of destruction, and the many lies that were believed to get one on that path. So... back to this person who got married. They married someone who allowed their foot into their door.. and destruction has been left in many lives there as well. And then there was a wedding. Weddings are supposed to be such blessed and happy events, but I know I'm not the only one looking on with disgust and sadness, full of wishes that I never even knew of this person. Yet there is also a part of my heart that knows I am better and stronger because of what I went through due to this person. Not the kind of thing that you'd send a Thank-You card for, by any means... but definitely something to celebrate. A victory - a defeat over bad and evil in this life. Even though there are battle scars, there is a flag flying to show that the battle was overcome. And that is what should be celebrated, instead of feeling anything at all about the rest of it.
It won't change that I'm still one of those people who doesn't forget the past. And I'm convinced most often that we aren't supposed to completely forget the past -- we just aren't supposed to dwell in it or allow it to control us. But we should learn from it. If it's good and brought positive things into our lives, we should celebrate it and see it as a marker in our lives that moved us in a healthy direction to become who we would ultimately BE. And if it's bad or painful, then we should also learn... learn what to be aware of, what doors to never open or pass through, and how to forgive. Most of all, I think we should learn how to be there for others. To offer warnings when that's possible, to share our experiences with the hurts and the triumphs... and to offer hope and support.
This weekend we celebrate Easter. The time when Jesus went to the cross, was crucified for the sins of all, and then rose again on the Third Day to give us the One Way to eternal life. I am so thankful He didn't get stuck in the what ifs and decide we just weren't worth it. And for this moment, I will hold tightly to believing that he doesn't want me to get stuck on the hurts - but rather press on towards what is good, and right, and lovely, and eternal.
There are a few people who touched my life in my past that I would just as soon never think of again. I don't hate them - and as much as someone may not understand this, I've even forgiven them for what they did to wrong me {sometimes to wrong me VERY much!} Yet even so, I don't want them to have any role in my life whatsoever... and wish they didn't reside even in my memories. I'm like an elephant, in that I never forget... well, that is unless I'm looking for my car keys, or sunglasses, favorite T-shirt or something like that. But occurrences from the past - both good and bad, and some that really weren't even important at all - well, I can recall almost every single detail. That's a good quality when it comes to remembering the birth of each of my children. I can remember the time of the first contraction, the moment they each entered this world - and changed my world forever - and everything since! In fact, we have a great time talking about the "remember back then" stories. Then we come to the stories from the past that would be just great to rip out of the book... eliminate those memories from the past... like, seriously, a lobotomy might sound good after a dream that includes one of those memories in any kind of way.
This week a person got married. This is a person who brought torment into my life, into my marriage, into my family. And while it does take two to tango, this person persisted and persisted until they got a foot in the door. Satan is like that, I've learned. He is so persistent and pesky. He will just pester and pester until we finally say or think "ok... how bad can it really be? I keep thinking of it, so it must really be where I'm supposed to go in my life." Only to then look back and see a mighty path of destruction, and the many lies that were believed to get one on that path. So... back to this person who got married. They married someone who allowed their foot into their door.. and destruction has been left in many lives there as well. And then there was a wedding. Weddings are supposed to be such blessed and happy events, but I know I'm not the only one looking on with disgust and sadness, full of wishes that I never even knew of this person. Yet there is also a part of my heart that knows I am better and stronger because of what I went through due to this person. Not the kind of thing that you'd send a Thank-You card for, by any means... but definitely something to celebrate. A victory - a defeat over bad and evil in this life. Even though there are battle scars, there is a flag flying to show that the battle was overcome. And that is what should be celebrated, instead of feeling anything at all about the rest of it.
It won't change that I'm still one of those people who doesn't forget the past. And I'm convinced most often that we aren't supposed to completely forget the past -- we just aren't supposed to dwell in it or allow it to control us. But we should learn from it. If it's good and brought positive things into our lives, we should celebrate it and see it as a marker in our lives that moved us in a healthy direction to become who we would ultimately BE. And if it's bad or painful, then we should also learn... learn what to be aware of, what doors to never open or pass through, and how to forgive. Most of all, I think we should learn how to be there for others. To offer warnings when that's possible, to share our experiences with the hurts and the triumphs... and to offer hope and support.
This weekend we celebrate Easter. The time when Jesus went to the cross, was crucified for the sins of all, and then rose again on the Third Day to give us the One Way to eternal life. I am so thankful He didn't get stuck in the what ifs and decide we just weren't worth it. And for this moment, I will hold tightly to believing that he doesn't want me to get stuck on the hurts - but rather press on towards what is good, and right, and lovely, and eternal.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Hello.... My Name is Donna Kay....
This morning after I went for a run I was doing my usual check-in on facebook before heading off to Yoga class. It's like reading the morning paper to check and see what incredible things happened in my friends lives over the past 12-24 hours that I may have missed, and checking on local businesses to see if any special things had been posted that I needed to be aware of to make my day better. I did get a notification about a comment on a friends post from the day before... so of course, in my curiosity I did click to check it out. Nothing exciting in the post, but rather it was the person who had made the comment that interested me - someone who used to be on my "friends" list, but no longer resides there. Just to get something straight: I have rejection issues, and therefore I have a hard time rejecting others. To delete someone from my friends list takes a minimum of 6-months of counseling, and usually ends in recruiting someone else to come and push that actual "DELETE" button for me. {and truly, I'm not exaggerating much about that!} Ok... so back to why this bothered me.
This particular person isn't someone I've ever personally met, and I'm always careful about those "friends" on social media, simply because I am so vocal and transparent about everything in my life. In this case, there were lots of ties with mutual friends and family (my family - not theirs) that I had accepted their request way back when. But I will never forget the day that they ended our brief friendship, because I received a less-than-loving message in my inbox.
What I did receive was a message telling me what a self-righteous, discriminating and hateful person I was because I "hated" on someone different than me. I was at first floored, confused that maybe they had sent it to the wrong person, and then once I realized what sad angle they were coming from I decided to let them go calmly into their never-never-land and not give a response back. Sometimes it's smart to remember those words most Moms used to say to their kids {over, and over, and over again...} "If you don't have something nice to say, then just don't say anything at all..." Well, at that moment I didn't have anything nice to say. But now, well, NOW I have plenty to say to people like this!! It might start something like this:
Hi... my name is Donna Kay. I am a Christian. I believe the Bible - every single word in it. Some of the words I wish I could take out, because they do make my life hard... but I truly believe {with all my heart} that being a Christian is having a relationship with Jesus Christ. And I believe when He said "if you love me, you will obey me." Because that's what the Bible says. I also believe that if I say I believe the Bible, that I have to believe it all. I can't just pick and choose the parts I like or want to believe or follow. It just doesn't work that way {actually, most other books or manuals don't work that way either -- but as humans we don't argue so much about those!} I have never said anything that would or could lead anyone to think I feel that I'm perfect... in fact, I've always stated very clearly just the opposite. And as I continue to get older I learn year by year just how imperfect and broken I actually am - and just how very much I need a Savior, who happens to be Jesus Christ. Furthermore, in believing the Bible I stand on Absolute Truth - that there are things that are just wrong {"sins", actually, to use a very unpopular and politically incorrect word!} and it's not about my opinion, or that of anyone else for that matter. Whether that's sexual sin, murder or whatever... it's all encompassing. So whether it's about my life or the life of another person, sin is still sin. It's not about opinions. Yet, because I know I'm not perfect - that I'm still a work in progress - that I have dealt with much brokenness in my own life -- well, I am not here to personally judge anyone else. If I believe against or for something, I will stand for my beliefs. I will gladly give reasons, if ever asked, for my beliefs - and I will stake my life on those beliefs if they are biblical beliefs. Does that mean I don't love or care for someone who doesn't share those beliefs or live by those same beliefs? ABSOLUTELY NOT. And someone would be hard pressed to show up and testify differently about me. I have friends of every aspect, with many differing beliefs, living many different kinds of lives, and I love all of my friends. Honestly, I probably have a softer heart for the friends who have struggles in a more understanding kind of way... simply because I've faced so many struggles in my own life and know how it feels to be judged or cast away.
Yet, someone decided that they felt I was a bad person because I stand on my beliefs. That is where I would like to ask: How do YOU discriminate against ME because I don't agree with you? Isn't that what you are accusing me of? How do you call ME intolerant -- when you are showing clearly that you are intolerant of me because my beliefs are different from yours? How can you call me hateful, when I have never shown any hate - even in expressing or standing firmly on my beliefs?
There was a time that being "unfriended" would truly have bothered me... I would take it personally, and I might even send a pitiful message back that probably would sound pretty desperate and sad asking why they didn't like me {ok, maybe not that pitiful, but you get the idea here.} But as I said, year after year of living has brought changes to the way I see things. And now I can see that all I can do is stand firmly on what I believe - what I believe with all my heart, and stake my life {and eternity} upon. And in standing firmly, in loving those whom I come in contact with whether we agree or disagree in our beliefs, in sharing the love and grace that has been extended to me, I have come to understand that some will grasp that -- and some will not. And I will just have to accept that everyone will not love me ...but I can continue to love them anyway.
This particular person isn't someone I've ever personally met, and I'm always careful about those "friends" on social media, simply because I am so vocal and transparent about everything in my life. In this case, there were lots of ties with mutual friends and family (my family - not theirs) that I had accepted their request way back when. But I will never forget the day that they ended our brief friendship, because I received a less-than-loving message in my inbox.
What I did receive was a message telling me what a self-righteous, discriminating and hateful person I was because I "hated" on someone different than me. I was at first floored, confused that maybe they had sent it to the wrong person, and then once I realized what sad angle they were coming from I decided to let them go calmly into their never-never-land and not give a response back. Sometimes it's smart to remember those words most Moms used to say to their kids {over, and over, and over again...} "If you don't have something nice to say, then just don't say anything at all..." Well, at that moment I didn't have anything nice to say. But now, well, NOW I have plenty to say to people like this!! It might start something like this:
Hi... my name is Donna Kay. I am a Christian. I believe the Bible - every single word in it. Some of the words I wish I could take out, because they do make my life hard... but I truly believe {with all my heart} that being a Christian is having a relationship with Jesus Christ. And I believe when He said "if you love me, you will obey me." Because that's what the Bible says. I also believe that if I say I believe the Bible, that I have to believe it all. I can't just pick and choose the parts I like or want to believe or follow. It just doesn't work that way {actually, most other books or manuals don't work that way either -- but as humans we don't argue so much about those!} I have never said anything that would or could lead anyone to think I feel that I'm perfect... in fact, I've always stated very clearly just the opposite. And as I continue to get older I learn year by year just how imperfect and broken I actually am - and just how very much I need a Savior, who happens to be Jesus Christ. Furthermore, in believing the Bible I stand on Absolute Truth - that there are things that are just wrong {"sins", actually, to use a very unpopular and politically incorrect word!} and it's not about my opinion, or that of anyone else for that matter. Whether that's sexual sin, murder or whatever... it's all encompassing. So whether it's about my life or the life of another person, sin is still sin. It's not about opinions. Yet, because I know I'm not perfect - that I'm still a work in progress - that I have dealt with much brokenness in my own life -- well, I am not here to personally judge anyone else. If I believe against or for something, I will stand for my beliefs. I will gladly give reasons, if ever asked, for my beliefs - and I will stake my life on those beliefs if they are biblical beliefs. Does that mean I don't love or care for someone who doesn't share those beliefs or live by those same beliefs? ABSOLUTELY NOT. And someone would be hard pressed to show up and testify differently about me. I have friends of every aspect, with many differing beliefs, living many different kinds of lives, and I love all of my friends. Honestly, I probably have a softer heart for the friends who have struggles in a more understanding kind of way... simply because I've faced so many struggles in my own life and know how it feels to be judged or cast away.
Yet, someone decided that they felt I was a bad person because I stand on my beliefs. That is where I would like to ask: How do YOU discriminate against ME because I don't agree with you? Isn't that what you are accusing me of? How do you call ME intolerant -- when you are showing clearly that you are intolerant of me because my beliefs are different from yours? How can you call me hateful, when I have never shown any hate - even in expressing or standing firmly on my beliefs?
There was a time that being "unfriended" would truly have bothered me... I would take it personally, and I might even send a pitiful message back that probably would sound pretty desperate and sad asking why they didn't like me {ok, maybe not that pitiful, but you get the idea here.} But as I said, year after year of living has brought changes to the way I see things. And now I can see that all I can do is stand firmly on what I believe - what I believe with all my heart, and stake my life {and eternity} upon. And in standing firmly, in loving those whom I come in contact with whether we agree or disagree in our beliefs, in sharing the love and grace that has been extended to me, I have come to understand that some will grasp that -- and some will not. And I will just have to accept that everyone will not love me ...but I can continue to love them anyway.
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