Thursday, April 17, 2014

Moving Past the Past...Sometimes It's SO Hard to Do

Are you one of those people who can go through something tough in life, come out on the other side and never look back?  If so, I am often envious of you!  I'm just the opposite.  I have some strange, uncontrollable need to analyze every moment of the event or situation...reliving with all of the "what ifs" in my mind.  Honestly, it's torture.  

There are a few people who touched my life in my past that I would just as soon never think of again.  I don't hate them - and as much as someone may not understand this, I've even forgiven them for what they did to wrong me {sometimes to wrong me VERY much!} Yet even so, I don't want them to have any role in my life whatsoever... and wish they didn't reside even in my memories.  I'm like an elephant, in that I never forget... well, that is unless I'm looking for my car keys, or sunglasses, favorite T-shirt or something like that.  But occurrences from the past - both good and bad, and some that really weren't even important at all - well, I can recall almost every single detail.  That's a good quality when it comes to remembering the birth of each of my children.  I can remember the time of the first contraction, the moment they each entered this world - and changed my world forever - and everything since!  In fact, we have a great time talking about the "remember back then" stories.  Then we come to the stories from the past that would be just great to rip out of the book... eliminate those memories from the past... like, seriously, a lobotomy might sound good after a dream that includes one of those memories in any kind of way. 

This week a person got married.  This is a person who brought torment into my life, into my marriage, into my family.  And while it does take two to tango, this person persisted and persisted until they got a foot in the door.  Satan is like that, I've learned.  He is so persistent and pesky.  He will just pester and pester until we finally say or think "ok... how bad can it really be?  I keep thinking of it, so it must really be where I'm supposed to go in my life."  Only to then look back and see a mighty path of destruction, and the many lies that were believed to get one on that path.  So... back to this person who got married.  They married someone who allowed their foot into their door.. and destruction has been left in many lives there as well.  And then there was a wedding. Weddings are supposed to be such blessed and happy events, but I know I'm not the only one looking on with disgust and sadness, full of wishes that I never even knew of this person.  Yet there is also a part of my heart that knows I am better and stronger because of what I went through due to this person.  Not the kind of thing that you'd send a Thank-You card for, by any means... but definitely something to celebrate.  A victory - a defeat over bad and evil in this life.  Even though there are battle scars, there is a flag flying to show that the battle was overcome.  And that is what should be celebrated, instead of feeling anything at all about the rest of it.  

It won't change that I'm still one of those people who doesn't forget the past.  And I'm convinced most often that we aren't supposed to completely forget the past -- we just aren't supposed to dwell in it or allow it to control us. But we should learn from it.  If it's good and brought positive things into our lives, we should celebrate it and see it as a marker in our lives that moved us in a healthy direction to become who we would ultimately BE.  And if it's bad or painful, then we should also learn... learn what to be aware of, what doors to never open or pass through, and how to forgive. Most of all, I think we should learn how to be there for others.  To offer warnings when that's possible, to share our experiences with the hurts and the triumphs... and to offer hope and support.


This weekend we celebrate Easter.  The time when Jesus went to the cross, was crucified for the sins of all, and then rose again on the Third Day to give us the One Way to eternal life.  I am so thankful He didn't get stuck in the what ifs and decide we just weren't worth it.  And for this moment, I will hold tightly to believing that he doesn't want me to get stuck on the hurts - but rather press on towards what is good, and right, and lovely, and eternal.     

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