Another Tuesday...

My favorite mornings are the ones where I wake up feeling wonderful and there's a song already playing in my heart.  Usually a worship song that immediately reminds me of my Father's love for me, and that I am not opening my eyes to face the day alone.  I wish every day could be one of these days.  But...sadly they are not.  The past few weeks have been more of a struggle.  I've tried to figure it out... put my finger on just what is different... but I can't.  I do know that I had some dental work done, and that is always hard for me.  I always suffer at least twice as much as anyone else, which makes me feel like a dental-failure somehow.  But it seems like even more than that.  Could it be that I'm sad and worried that after OVER a year on the market, our NC house still hasn't sold?  And I worry about how long this will {or could} go on?  Or maybe it's simply that Mother's Day was on the horizon and I knew I wouldn't be with my Mom or my children on that day... and that the thoughts and memories of my Grandmother would flood my heart and cause me to miss her all over again?  Whatever it is, it has surely been a struggle.  

I'm not a stranger to struggles in life.  In fact, there have been times that I felt like much more of a stranger to anything ever going right!  I've come to accept that I'm one of those people who can read the very last, small print warning on anything {you know, the thing they had to tack on at the end because it affected one person out of 23,897,428 other people, so by law they have to list it?!} and I know that I'll be the 2nd person to suffer with that side effect. And while I'm basically an optimistic and persistent person, I also have had to suffer through bouts of sadness, anxiety and depression throughout my life.  This isn't something to be ashamed of or afraid of, it really just comes with living in this world.  Afterall, this can be quite a scary place filled with some often not-so-kind people!  Let's face it, if we're being transparent here: Life is often VERY hard!  I hope that was not a surprise to anyone!

But it's not about how many of those mornings I awake wondering where the music is, wishing for the feelings of excitement for the day, hoping that THIS is the day that the phone rings with the best news ever!  It's really much more about how I deal with all of the days God gives me.  On those awesome days, I get up and sing... I drink coffee {ok, that's pretty much a given with any of the days!!} and I bounce out of my house to the fitness center.  I am so thankful for those days, because they energize me and inspire me.  On the not-quite-so-grand days... well, that's when I have to get up and turn on the music myself.  I have to make the decision to sing; make the choice that I'm going to make it the best day possible.  I drink my coffee, catch up on the news, check email, and then MAKE myself head to the fitness center and through each step of Yoga or Pilates... trusting that this is actually going to make my day improve.  And usually it does bring it up a notch or two!  

Recently I've had the privilege of speaking with a couple of younger women who are struggling with the less-than-awesome days in their own life.  It gives me the opportunity to share my story with them, the struggle along the journey - but also the victories along the way.  It may not be a final victory, because I believe I will not experience that until I reach my eternal home.  But while on this earth, I will do my best to enjoy to the utmost the awesome days... to savor each moment and draw energy from them.  And on the lesser days, I will reach into that energy supply and remind myself that it is just the moment to get through... and I do not have to do it alone.  I will drink my coffee... and then off to Yoga I will go.  Chances are, I'm not the only one in the room feeling this way...