The Cracked Peach: Celebrating 25 Years...

1st Birthday (and yes, I'm pregnant)

It's hard to imagine how 25 years could pass so quickly. I look around and see all of the changes. I have all of the photos that show the years clicking by, but still it's hard to believe that son of mine is turning 25 today. After all, I still remember that day as if it just happened. Let me start this story with the week before the REAL day.

It was a cold Winter in 1989. We seemed to constantly have snow that year. It would clear up just in time for more snow to fall. I had started having regular contractions during a weekend snowstorm, so off to the hospital I had gone. I was so excited when I heard those words, "you're in labor" and was admitted to a birthing room. I labored for a short time, and then another laboring mom was placed in the room next to mine. Never have I heard so much screaming! Even the nurses were concerned, because as they would come in and check on me, it appeared that my labor was fading away. They tried everything to distract me... even having me hide in the bathroom which had more soundproofing than the room I was in... but to no avail. All I could think was, "Oh no... please don't let it stop!" This had felt like the longest pregnancy in history, and I was so ready to give birth to this child and finally hold him in my arms. But that wouldn't turn out to the be the day. By morning, I was sent home. Labor had completely stopped. I was sad. The waiting resumed.

Exactly a week later I woke up feeling fine, but maybe a little strange. I had almost resolved that I would be pregnant with this child for the rest of my life. His due date had already passed by earlier that week, and there were no further signs that he was going to appear anytime soon. Yet, as the morning went on, I became more and more uncomfortable. It wasn't like before. I really wasn't even sure that I was having contractions, and honestly wasn't sure this could be labor. My 21-mo-old son was very concerned, as I really had never left him for any longer than an hour or two... and to be quite honest, I was a bit worried about how this would all turn out as well. To give you a little history, my first son had to be delivered by c-section after over 12 hours of very hard labor. Apparently they said it was Cephalopelvic disproportion. There just wasn't the necessary room to get him through. And that had broken my heart. With this baby, I had gone 'round and 'round with my doctors, but I was determined to try my best at a natural birth. It was what I had dreamed about for what felt like most of my life! The anticipation was driving me crazy by this point. Would I - or wouldn't I???

To pass the time during that day 25-years-ago and not upset my first child any more than I had to, I would pick him up and carry him around the house. Yes, I know... it was definitely NOT what the doctors would have wanted me to do. But it was what I felt was best for him. The way I reasoned, if I was carrying him then he felt safer... and he couldn't see my face as it contorted with the pain. By afternoon, I was pretty sure something had to be going on, and I called the doctors office. Was told to come right in, so I called my Mom to come stay with child #1. Off to the doctors office we went again. This time I was not very hopeful, as I even had the car seat for my firstborn still in my car - and didn't even bring a bag just in case this was real and I was sent to the hospital. Once at the doctors office, they checked me and sent me straight over to the hospital with the warning to not take too much time getting there. By the time I got there and got into a room it was already close to 6 pm, and my doctor was soon to be on his way over to see how things were progressing. But already it was looking promising for a vbac delivery. A little after 7 when the doctor arrived and checked, he said I was a little over 6 cm, and that this would be like a first labor (since my first child was a c-section) so he was imagining that we'd be ready to deliver around midnight. He was heading off to a meeting, and would check in afterwards. Not long after he left the floor I insisted that the nurse come to my room... something was seriously not feeling normal. And when she reluctantly checked, they were running to the parking lot to catch my doctor. The baby was on the way! No time to waste. By 7:40, that baby was out with the first push - and quickly in my arms. I will never, ever forget that feeling. I thought I was Wonder Woman - I was a Superhero for sure! I had just delivered a tiny human all by myself. You seriously would have thought I was the first person in the world to have done this awesome thing! The first person I called was my Mom, and the doctor had to tell me to get off the phone so they could finish delivering the placenta.

With each of my three children, my world changed. But with my second child, there was the most worry in my mind about whether I could love enough. This was something I had worried about throughout most of the pregnancy. I worried that I loved my firstborn so much that there just wouldn't be enough love for the next child. But on that day 25-years-ago I learned just how capable our hearts are of holding more love than we can ever fathom. My heart grew a thousand times that day. And I've never been the same.

As for my son #2, there is nothing about him in my life that isn't #1 except his birth order. He has brought me joy and laughter, sometimes frustration along with much silliness, many smiles and a few tears... but love beyond description. And he can always be counted on for a hug. I simply cannot imagine what I did in life that could ever make me deserve to be his mother... but I am forever filled with gratitude.

Now, for the photos....